What I Want

Yes, I want Dick Jauron fired.

Yes, I want Trent Edwards to never see an NFL start again.

Yes, I want my fantasy football team to give points for penalty yards like hockey does for penalty minutes - because I'm taking the Bills offensive line with the first pick next year.

Yes, I want Poz back on the field if only to keep from seeing Jon Corto at starting linebacker.

Yes, I want another Sabres game as soon as possible to push this afternoon from my memory.

But more than any of these things - I want those three hours of my life back. Never have I ever felt so helpless, bored and apathetic during a Buffalo sporting event. I want to care so badly - they are my team after all - but I can't. Part of me hates myself for not caring, but a bigger part of me hates the organization that has me running from a team that I am genetically predisposed to love despite everything.

Apparently pathetic losses game after game trump genetics.

Thanks, Trent, Dick, and everybody else over at One Bills Drive - I guess you saved me a lot of heartbreak this season. Because of you, I no longer care enough to get upset.

And that has me more upset than anything.

No Words

Ashamed.

That's exactly how Trent Edwards should feel. How Dick Jauron should feel. How the entire Bills team should feel about the debacle that was today's sham of a football game.

I don't have anything else to say about this - except at least the Sabres lost in exciting fashion. I'm so glad it's hockey season so this team isn't the only one I have to watch.

Anyone else feel like they wasted so much time today watching and then fuming about such a pitiful performance? I can't expend anymore energy on the Bills - it hurts too much to be let down so often.

This is Getting Ridiculous

The title of this post can refer to any number of things about tonight's game:

1.) The fact that the only thing this team is consistent with is their ability to choke away leads to bad hockey teams

2.) The seven shots on goal in the second and third periods combined

3.) The twelve minutes of penalties taken consecutively in the second period alone

4.) Jason Pominville's inability to look like a functioning hockey player - even when he scores a goal.

5.) The amount of faceoffs lost by the Sabres - did we even win one tonight?

6.) The fact that, statistically, we lost no ground. Thanks for keeping our stupid hopes alive longer, Florida. By losing 3-0 to Washington, you prolonged the crushing blow that I know is coming - making it all the more painful when it comes.

7.) Our record against the Sens in the years since the lockout. The Sens have a record of 20-6-4 against the Sabres since 2005. I have a shirt for another team (brownie points if you can guess which one) that says: "Doesn't a rivalry usually include two teams with a chance of winning?" If this is the case, we really can't call the Sens our rivals because they own us.

Still, even though I knew that this was the likely outcome for tonight; why does it sting so bad?

If a Picture's Worth a Thousand Words...

...then this one is worth more than anything I could write about tonight's loss. Just look at the faces in the crowd:Which one were you tonight: grimacing ski cap guy? trying not to watch in her turtleneck girl? that dude in disgust behind the net?

Me? I was the girl in the pink hoodie, physically pulling back from this team in sheer terror.

I normally don't like to engage in blog-prayer, but please, God, let this be the most mild ankle sprain EVER because my hockey-loving, playoff-wanting heart cannot take this for very long.

In Denial

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat.

The Sabres did win a hockey game last night, and I am glad that we picked up two points in a ridiculously close playoff race, without allowing the Rangers to get one.

I am glad that no one lost their cool in such a way that cost us those two points or even more players off our roster due to a suspension. In a push to the postseason that will probably be decided by two points or fewer, I know I would have been angry had we lost that game by giving the Rangers a 5-on-3 with a cold Patrick Lalime in net.

I suppose saying those things will earn me some angry comments or eye rolls about drinking Blue and Gold Kool-Aid and sticking up for the softies.

With that in mind, it's time to get another thing straight.

I hate what happened on the ice last night.

I know that doesn't match at all with what I said above, but I really can't explain how I feel about the team's response to Ryan Miller being run by Scott Gomez. I'm glad we won and I agree with Lindy that the playoffs are more important than punching an average center in the face.

That's what the rational, logical part of me says. The emotional, passionate part of me - the "fan" part - that part is singing a different tune.

There have been quite a few games this season that we've lost, and, yet, I haven't been all that mad. That's because I saw heart and effort out there, even in a loss. I'm not saying that those things weren't present on the ice last night, but there was something missing.

If we would have lost, and lost because of someone giving Gomez his just desserts, I think it would have been one of those losses that I put in the "at least they did something" category.

Anyone who reads this blog knows how I like my team to play hockey. Grit and toughness win out over finesse and flash every day in my book. I guess that's why I'm in denial today.

I don't want to believe my boys - my Sabres - are soft.

I don't want to believe that Craig Rivet, the captain of this team, brought in for his toughness, has let his goaltenders get run again and again this season and hasn't forced anyone to be accountable about that.

I don't want to believe that Paul Gaustad could lose his cool so many other times in his career and chose this moment to think with his head and not with his heart. I don't want to believe that he could see one of his best friends unable to stand in his crease and do nothing.

I don't want to believe that Henrik Tallinder saw the whole thing happen right in front of him and let Gomez skate away.

I don't want to believe that Tim Connolly - Tim "one punch from a vegetative state" Connolly was the only Sabre to even look interested in avenging his goalie.

So I guess I'll keep telling myself that Miller got hurt behind the play, and no one knew what had happened until it was too late.

The bad thing is - I can't get that image of Ryan Miller in his dress suit, looking worried and alone, out of my mind. He's been left out to dry too many times this season (and in seasons before), and I feel scared for both his ankle and his psyche.

I can't live in denial anymore, and that hurts almost as bad as a high ankle sprain.

It's Retrospective Time!

Yesterday may have been the worst day I've ever experienced as a Bills and Sabres fan in terms of combined disgust.

First comes the news of Coach "I lost the challenge flag" Jauron's continued employment. Then, we all get to witness that spectacular display of team apathy and heartlessness by the Sabres. I usually call upon Lindy after games like this to run them into the ground, but I don't think he can do much else with this bunch of divas.

As my father said this morning, I don't want Nate to go back to Portland, but maybe it's better so he doesn't learn bad habits from these players any more than he already has.

So....Now that the ranting is over, I am going to try to be the ray of sunshine after the multiple natural sports disasters that came last night.

My favorite part of New Year's Eve is the year-end, retrospective lists. Therefore, I have decided to combine my love of countdowns with my need for a pick-me-up.

I present you with My Favorite Buffalo Sports Moments of 2008:

10.) The Sabres Signings of Summer '08. Tim Kennedy. Chris Butler. Nate Gerbe. Danny Paille. Paul Gaustad. Jason Pominville. Ryan Miller. Patrick Lalime. Craig Rivet. After the previous summer and the departure of Brian Campbell in February, it was nice to see the Sabres adding people rather than letting people go. Each of these players has contributed to the team this season, some (Craig Rivet) more than others (Tim Kennedy). Some signings made me happy for personal reasons (Goose and Gerbe) while others made a strong statement to the entire NHL (Miller). All in all, it was nice to be happy every time I heard Darcy this summer rather than holding back tears like the year before.

9.) Craig Rivet's First Game at HSBC Arena. There were many nice things about the Sabres preseason victory over the Leafs. It was my little cousin's first NHL game, and I got to be the one to take her. We got to see the boys looking all spiffy in their suits on the red carpet. The Sabres pulled off another improbable comeback to force overtime and beat a heated rival, even if it was only in the preseason. The best thing about this game, however, was its status as Craig Rivet's coming out party. Rivet pounded Ryan Hollweg into oblivion for grazing Ryan Miller, and the entire crowd seemed to fall in love at first sight. That one act said volumes in the locker room as well, with Rivet finally ending the rotating captaincy by being named permanent leader.

8.) The Buffalo Bills Beat the San Diego Chargers 23-14 and Improve to 5-1. At the time, I thought that this game was our "statement game." Trent was recovering from being knocked out of the game against Arizona, the first loss of the season. Then, the Bills delivered this complete win over a team that, while struggling, still had a reputation as an AFC powerhouse. With the win, the team improved to an impressive 5-1 record, and that was the last time I felt really good about football in Buffalo in 2008.

7.) Pat Kane Wins Calder Trophy. It's always nice to see a hometown kid succeed, especially one who doesn't forget where he comes from. Moving from a little kid playing in rinks in South Buffalo and West Seneca to owning opponents from Carolina to Edmonton, Patrick Kane has become a household name in more places than Western New York. To see him recognized as the Rookie of the Year was a proud moment for anyone from WNY. It was especially touching when he thanked the people of Buffalo for supporting him because it showed that little Kaner really hasn't forgotten his roots. I can't wait to see even more big things from him in 2009 - as long as it's not against the Sabres, of course.

6.) The Two Sabres Comebacks Vs. the Lightning. In a season lacking special moments, these two games provided Sabres fans with something to cheer about. I was at the arena for the first of these two games, both led by hat tricks from Thomas Vanek. In a 4-3 OT victory, Vanek scored three consecutive goals to cap a furious late-game comeback, including his first two only 36 seconds apart at the end of the third period. The second comeback may be my favorite game of last season. Losing 4-1 going into the third, Paul Gausatd and Jason Pominville began a scoring avalanche that would produce 6 third period goals, including three by Vanek once again. Yes, I know it was against Tampa, but thinking about those two games still makes me smile, and on a day like today, smiling is certainly needed.

5.) The 2008 Bills Season Opener (Bills 34, Seahawks 10). Remember when the whole football world was at our fingertips and the AFC East seemed to be ours for the taking? Yeah, I barely do, too, but what a great feeling it was. Trent was the next Jim Kelly. We played smashmouth defense. We called trick plays. Tom Brady was hurt and then suddenly it was like the heavens opened up on One Bills Drive. I know that nothing can ease the pain that the rest of the season brought, but it is nice to remember that, for just one day, the Bills were able to pleasantly surprise us.

4.) The Buffalo Sabres Season Opener (Sabres 2, Canadiens 1, SO). Remember when the Sabres earned points in their first 8 games, looking like they had exorcised all of the demons of last season? Yeah, I barely do, too, but it did happen and was lots of fun to watch. They played Lindy's system to perfection, cleared the net for Ryan, and took the ice with heart, grit, and a chip on their shoulders. I can only hope that this memory sticks with them too because they need to find that team again in order to make 2009 a better year than 2008 for Sabres fans.

3.) The 2008 Winter Classic / Ice Bowl. I know, I know - we lost to Sidney Crosby in a shootout. Still, though, when you look back on that day, is that one of the first things you remember? I'm thinking it's not. What I'll remember is the sight of over 70,000 fans watching a hockey game all in one place, the sight of Ralph Wilson Stadium looking like a Christmas card, with flakes softly falling like a snowglobe. I'll remember tearing up when Ronan Tynan sang, and, for one day, I knew that people around the world were getting to see what I've learned every day - that Buffalo is a truly amazing place.

2.) The Buffalo Bandits Win the NLL Championship. Finally - a championship comes to Buffalo! It may not have been in the way we expected, but the Bandits made Buffalo the home of a champion. NLL fans are some of the most intense in pro sports, and it was great to see the members of "Banditland" rewarded for their passion. I have season tickets this year, and I can't wait to cheer them on to a repeat!

1.) The Entire 2008 Season of UB Bulls Football. From the Hail Mary pass to the MAC Championship, it's been an amazing ride for anyone who has watched the Bulls this season. What Turner Gill has done is nothing shot of miraculous, and I could not respect a coach more than I respect him. I'll admit that I am not the biggest college football fan, but this team sucked me in, and I am so glad that they did. Turner Gill gave Buffalo a team that we can proud of, a group that is as blue-collar as they come. They play with heart, grit, and boundless determination, just like their coach. I can only hope that 2009 starts where 2008 left off, with a character- driven group of underdogs proving everyone but themselves wrong.

I hope everyone has a very safe and happy New Year's Eve and New Year's Day! Feel free to share your list of favorite moments with me, too, I'd love to hear what I'm sure I missed.

Wow...That was Really Bad

Be prepared, this post is an example of Overreaction Central at its finest, so if you're looking for calm analysis of the Sabres 2-1 loss to Toronto, I suggest you look elsewhere.

Now that all I have left are the Negative Nellies like myself, welcome friends, and let's get down to business. This was not a fun game to watch by any stretch of the imagination. When the two best things in the game happened during the Sabres Show (Jaro Spacek getting an entire segment to show off his best Cookie Monster impression and Drew Stafford in yet another fake moustache), you know that it's going to get pretty snarky around Muckers and Grinders.

This should never happen. Leafs should never be smiling in our arena. They should be cowering in a corner, begging for us to show them mercy.

Things I liked about the game:

Toni Lydman's goal because I love it when fantastically self-deprecating defenseman score goals. Goose's hit on Ryan Hollweg. Way to be a "big animal" out there again, Goose! There was also a shift where he and Paille (I think) led a pretty ferocious forecheck that kept the puck in our zone when I was sure numerous times that Toronto was going to get it.

Things I disliked:

Pretty much everything else.

I'm not even really sure what to say about that effort, especially in the third period when they needed it the most. All I know is that it may be the worst game I've watched this season (mind you, I missed the Nashville game).

Dear Sabres PP Units,

Way to turn a 6-minute powerplay into one of the most inept displays of hockey that I have ever witnessed. One shot on goal? I told my dad that if we ended up losing the game, I was going to blame that stretch of time, and I hold to that blaming. If a great kill is a huge momentum booster, then a lousy powerplay is a huge momentum-killer. Be better; I don't think there's anything else to say.

Dear Drew Stafford,

When the net is open, the puck is supposed to go in it. Please try to remember this for next time.

Dear Lindy Ruff,

Bag skates for all of them, right now. I don't care if they have a game tomorrow; effort like this cannot be tolerated. I know that you will chew them out properly, and for that I am truly thankful.

Dear Buffalo Sabres (yes, all of you),

I hope you are all thoroughly ashamed. You let the Maple Leafs come into your house and outplay, outwork, and outclass you in the period when you needed it the most. I don't know how you can play so well for three games and then do things like this - running around in your own end, forgetting to go hard to the net, losing every battle along the boards...It's disheartening that you seem to get so cocky after a few good games; I expect more from you, more effort and a lot more heart in a game like this. After a night like tonight, I think we need to go on a "break," and no, it's not me - it's you...

Dear Toronto Fans,

I hate all of you. I hate how you think you own our arena. I hate how you jeer our goalie when he's actually the only one playing decent hockey. Screw you (and I mean that in the nicest possible way).

Waking Up

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

~Langston Hughes

That Langston Hughes poem has always been one of my favorites, and I think it perfectly encapsulates the mind of a Buffalo sports fan. Ever season we begin with a dream, and every season that dream dies a painful death. We put those hopes away, saying that we'll never get sucked into believing like that again, but we do. We're dreamers, plain and simple. When all you're left with at the end of the day is the idea of "next year," what else can you really be?

This fall began as the ultimate season of dreams. The Bills dominated Seattle, Tom Brady got to spend an entire season nursing his knee and playing with his son (or not...), Trent Edwards was hailed to be the second coming of the Messiah, let alone Jim Kelly, and the Bills rocketed off to a 4-0 and eventually a 5-1 start.

The same thing was happening in downtown Buffalo. The Sabres were like the phoenix, rising from the ashes of last season, with a hard-nosed captain and new, defensive mentality. They lived and breathed "the system," earning points in the first eight straight games of the season. Ryan Miller and Patrick Lalime were lights out, the penalty kill was unstoppable, the forwards were backchecking their legs off, and the whole team was playing with a new sense of toughness and grit.

How quickly everything changes.

After Monday night, it's hard to see the Bills dominating anybody; it's even hard to see them winning another game with the sacred game they're playing now. They can't beat Matt Cassel or Brady Quinn, Trent Edwards is playing like a kid with arachnophobia in a spider exhibit, and they're suddenly a .500 football team once more.

The same can be said of the Blue and Gold. Suddenly "the system" is merely something nice to mention to reporters but is too lame and boring to follow on the ice. The ghosts of last season have emerged from he coffins we thought we buried in April, and our captain has done nothing to exorcise these demons. The goaltending has become erratic at best, powerplay goals against are being scored at the worst possible times, forwards seem to think they're too "special" for defense (I'm looking at you, Derek), and the toughness that Captain Craig was supposed to bring has disappeared along with his play.

My father and I had a very philosophical discussion about being a Bills and Sabres fan sometime last week. He told me that there is a moment every season when, as a Buffalo fan, you realize that this isn't it; this isn't going to be the year we win it all. That moment is the moment when, as Langston Hughes so perfectly says, our dream is deferred once more.

Sometimes, it's the first game of the season. Sometimes it's the last play of the Super Bowl. Sometimes it's a warm May evening in Carolina. Sometimes it's a cold Monday night in Buffalo.

This year, the dream wasn't just what we as fans built up over another long offseason. Both teams shot out to phenomenal starts; they helped to raise our relatively tempered expectations. It wasn't just that they were winning; it was how. Trent Edwards was proving himself to be a young star in the NFL; the Sabres were playing the kind of grinding, tight hockey that wins games in May and June.

Now, it's not just that they're losing; it's how. Trent looks like a better-looking JP Losman, and the Sabres look like the same team that ruined last year with giveaways and last-period collapses.

I guess the main point of this ranting post is to say that I feel we've come upon "the moment" of this season. Monday and Tuesday proved to be games that just make it look like there's no way that there will be a parade in Buffalo this year.

Though I've pretty much decided that the Bills are done; am I right to say this about the Sabres so early? Thomas Vanek is playing every game like Marshawn Lynch played on Monday, and I think I may be getting a 26 jersey instead of a 52. Pommer's getting hot. They've proved they can play a defensive style; they need to prove that they want to. Will they prove me wrong?

Another year, another "raisin in the sun."

I'm ready to explode.

It's Official

Evil alien pod people have taken over the body of Trent Edwards and replaced him with this guy.

I hate this guy.

Other things I hate:
*The constant references to "Wide Right" by the ESPN staff. We get it; missed field goals have drained our souls as Bills fans. We don't need to be reminded 395 times.
*Dick Jauron's play calling at the end of the game. I know evil alien "Trent" was having more than his share of troubles tonight, but we needed to at least try to get more yardage for Lindell. A 47-yard kick into the wind was too long; if my dad and I could see that, so could he. Once again, his conservative nature proved a detriment.
*The shots of Jim Kelly on the sidelines, if only for the fact that they made me wish he could suit up for the second half.
*Having a team that builds you up to believing that this may finally be the year, only to suffer one of the most epic collapses I've witnessed in my years of sports fandom. Thanks for making the heartbreak about 10 times worse this season, guys.

The few things I didn't hate:
*Beast Mode. He wanted this win so bad he could taste it in his grillz.
*Our return game, with McKelvin finally breaking out.
*...and that's pretty much it.

I wish I could more eloquently phrase the mixture of anger, sadness, and growing apathy that this game has brought out in me. All I can say is that, at least until next week, the Bills make me wanna punch a lot of people in the face - starting with those damn, body-snatching aliens.

Dearest (or not so much) Buffalo Sabres:

Did you ever have one of those days where you're pretty depressed by life in general, but you know that if your team wins it will somehow make everything seem just a little better?
Thanks for helping a girl out...Or not...

Maybe I'll write more tomorrow because if I try now it will pretty much be a bitter diatribe against Derek, Andrej, the powerplay, the penalty kill, and that damn goal horn.

Let's just say Overreaction Central is in full swing tonight - to the point where I almost said I didn't want my Captain Craig jersey...almost...

PS: Dear Sidney Crosby:

You better hope Colby Armstrong brings out the warm fuzziness in you when you play Atlanta on the 20th - because I strongly dislike you again.

Trick or Treat

Treat:

• Seeing Goose back on the ice again doing what Roby referred to as some "ferocious forechecking"
• The idea of Tim Connolly playing tomorrow. We've missed a good powerplay QB more than ever these last few games.
• Clarke MacArthur showing why he should have been on the roster to begin with.
• Captain Craig skating with the team. I never thought we would miss him as much as we do, but everything seems to be falling apart without him. If you didn't think he was really meant to be our captain, after these last two games I would like to think you would be singing a different tune. We lose him and our defense-first game falls apart. Coincidence? I'll leave that for you to decide.

Tricks:

• The disappearing act that is Jason Pominville and Derek Roy. I know they're both great players who are just off to rough starts, but I'm getting frustrated. Not to mention the fact that if either of them breaks another stick at a crucial moment, I'm going to have a coronary.
• The fact that I actually believe that Connolly will be back tomorrow and can make a difference for more than a game without breaking his jaw taking out his mouthguard.
• This Jekyll and Hyde show that the Sabres are pulling this season. It's so early that I still don't know who they really are. Were these last two games just them dressing up as a bad hockey team or were the first eight just them dressing up as a good one? I know this is another comment straight out of overreaction central, but I've seen too much in these last games that reminded me of last year. Old habits die hard, and I guess we're seeing the remains of that now. I can only hope tomorrow they put this costume away

and put this one back on for the rest of the season
On that conflicted note, I want to wish all of you a very happy Halloween. In the spirit of costumed good times, go check out Ryan's post over at the Roost because Halloween wouldn't be Halloween without a Sabre who thinks he is literally God's gift to the world.

Rewind

Can we please take these last two days back?

Let's face it, as Buffalo sports fans, as if this wasn't bad enough

Now we have this

Losing is never fun, but losing to a division rival is really not fun.

I miss Captain Craig. And Jochen. And Goose. And Hank. And the Trent Edwards who owns the fourth quarter rather than gets owned in it.

I know it's only one loss in what's been an unexpectedly great start for both teams, but I am one very sore loser.