Sometimes We Forget

Tonight, watching Jason Pominville down on the ice after a brutally dirty hit by Niklas Hjalmarsson, I was reminded of something that I think we as fans are guilty of forgetting every now and then.

Athletes are real people, and real people are vulnerable.

In those moments when he lay still on the ice, surrounded by doctors, I was honestly terrified. Anyone who visits this blog at all knows how I feel about Pommer. He may not play my favorite style of hockey, but he is one of my favorite players anyway. He won me over by being one of the nicest people - professional athlete or otherwise - that I have had the pleasure of meeting. I have his jersey, and I am proud to wear it.

I've never had a moment like that before, seeing one of my favorite players in what looked like grave danger on the ice, literally praying for him to be okay.

Seeing him on that stretcher, all I could think about was Jason Pominville as a person - a husband and a father, a best friend to many of the guys on that Sabres bench.

All of the guys on that bench are people, and people are vulnerable.

Should the team have bounced back after that hit, especially after learning that he would be okay? Yes. It was frustrating to watch them crumble tonight.

But is it understandable that their minds seemed to be elsewhere for a long time after seeing their teammate, their friend, carted off the ice on a stretcher? I think it is.

I don't know Pommer beyond a 10-minute conversation we had three years ago, and I was still worried, even after learning he suffered a concussion but would be alright. The other players on the team know him - as Heather B. put it in her great post tonight, they love him; they love each other.

You could see how hard that injury hit the players just by looking at Miller's face as the doctors tended to Pommer. He looked on the verge of tears, worry and fear all over his face. I like to talk about the trio of Miller, Gaustad, and Pomiville and the core of players from Rochester that grew up together, and it is clear that they do genuinely care about one another. They are best friends, and I think it is more than excusable to fall off your game a little after seeing something like that happen to one of your best friends, a guy you grew up with and grew to love like a brother.

Would I have liked this to be one of those wins where the Sabres gave a shaken crowd something to cheer about, something positive to take home with them? Of course. But sometimes, athletes aren't superheroes, able to overcome whatever is thrown at them. Sometimes, they're simply human.

There will be a time to talk about the powerplay and the defensive lapses and the missed offensive chances. For me, at least, tonight is not that time. I'm mad about the outcome of the game, but I'm incredibly happy that the news on Pommer seems to be very positive.

I'll save the criticism for another game. I know it's cliche, but they're only human.

More Than Ready

There are a lot of questions, and tonight won't answer them all. It's just one game, but that's the thing - it's a game. After a long summer, it's hockey time again.

It's time for goal horns and breakaways and Lindy Ruff press conferences. It's time for honking with Goose and wearing your favorite jersey and Roby's words of wisdom. It's time to cheer and boo and scream expletives at opposing players and sometimes our boys too.

Miller's ready, and so am I.

Let's Go Buffalo.

Tonight's the Night

I really have no words to describe what I'm feeling today. I've been trying to articulate it for days, but I just can't seem to get it right.

I'm nervous and excited and thrilled and giddy. My heart is pounding when I think about tonight, and I've had a smile on my face since the moment I got up. I couldn't fall asleep last night, and I couldn't wait to wake up this morning.

I have my Goose jersey on, my camera in my purse, and my tickets waiting at Will Call. I have all of my plans for getting to the game straightened out with my dad, including a stop in the Plaza. I read the entire playoff section in the paper this morning.

I'm just ready. I think we all are. After three years, we're just ready to get back to the arena, back to the Plaza, and back to postseason hockey.

Let's Go Buffalo.

Hold Your Head Up

I never want to see Ryan Miller this dejected again. My heart can't handle it.To see how much emotion he put into that performance, to see how much he cared about representing his country well - it broke me. He deserved all the happiness and accolades in the world, and I wished that he could have found comfort in at least getting the silver when most people didn't think the U.S. would medal.

But he didn't find comfort in that, and, as Sabres fans, I don't think we expected or wanted him to. Miller is a competitor of the highest degree, and I only wish he could have been rewarded for that with a gold medal. The tears in his too-expressive eyes told us all that this game meant so much to him, and it was so painful to see someone who so deserved to win come out on the losing end, when someone who's already accomplished so much (Sidney Crosby) added another layer to his legend.

Though Crosby's legend continued to grow, I think Miller's did, too. Or maybe his legend just got started. Either way, the whole world knows about our little best-kept secret now, and I couldn't be happier. To see the entire focus of America on the skinny, scruffy goalie that we call ours was truly something special. We got to share him with the rest of the country for a couple of weeks, but now he's ours alone again. I'd like to think we may have picked up a few more supporters along the way, though.

I hope what the rest of the country learned about Ryan Miller is what we in Buffalo have always known - that win or lose, he is a class act. This is the goalie who chose to stay in Buffalo and said that he would give up the money to bring a championship to this city. This is the goalie who helps so many sick children in memory of the cousin he loved so deeply and lost so young. This is the goalie who has captivated the Olympics-watching nation with his calm, kind demeanor and intelligent, focused persona.

Ryan Miller has earned all the happiness he can get out of this Olympic experience, which is why I was so happy to see him at the closing ceremonies:

Photo courtesy of Reuters

To see him smiling and enjoying himself, capturing memories of this amazing experience, made me so happy. He looked proud to be an Olympian, as well he should be. He has made an indelible impression in people's hearts and minds across America, and I hope people know that they weren't just rooting for a great hockey player; they were cheering for a great person as well.

I may have been sad to see silver in Miller's hands today, but I think I'll be okay with it come June, if that silver in his hands is from the Stanley Cup. I know it's a long shot, but if the past two weeks have taught me anything, it's that we should all be believers in "Millercles."

The Decade's Best

The new decade is upon us, and what better time than New Year's Eve to recap the best Buffalo sports moments of the last decade. It's been an up-and-down kind of decade for us as fans - no playoff football, no hockey at all for a year, Stanley Cup playoff runs, and some miracles on and off the playing field. Being a Buffalo sports fan this decade was interesting to say the least, and there was always something to talk about. So for today, I am choosing to focus on the 10 most positive things that happened in the Buffalo sports world over the last 10 years.

As a disclaimer, these are my personal top moments, and they were compiled after much internal deliberation and much discussion with noted experts (ie. my dad). Without further ado, let the happy trip down memory lane begin!

10.) A trio of memorable games: Bills beat Pats 31-0, the Ottawa Brawl and Game 5 of the 2007 EC Semifinals. All three of these games provided something that seemed to be missing a lot in Buffalo sports over the last decade: excitement. When the Bills shutout the Pats to open their season, it was the most excited I've been during a football game this decade. The Ottawa Brawl added even more spark to a rivalry that has defined the decade in a lot of ways for the Sabres, and it proved that we have a coach in Lindy Ruff who is a man with a tough, Buffalo mentality through and through. And I had to include that game against the Rangers because I was there. I saw the Plaza teeming with screaming fans, I heard the car horns in the streets, I felt the energy radiating from every corner of the arena. Here's hoping that the excitement provided in these three games is reflected in the next decade in far more contests and with even more chills, hugs, and cheers.

9.) The Bisons Win the Governor's Cup. In 2004, the Buffalo Bisons took home the Governor's Cup, the championship of the International League. Being there during their postseason run was extremely memorable because I love baseball, and I love when it feels like an important sport in the WNY community. Though the team has struggled lately, for that year they were the best, and isn't that what we always dream of for our sports teams in Buffalo?

8.) March Madness Comes to Buffalo. I was lucky enough to get to see the first round NCAA Tournament action at HSBC Arena in 2007. To see so many people from so many places enjoying what our city had to offer was fantastic, and it was even cooler to see some of the most amazing talents in college basketball right in front of me. As a devout Duke Blue Devils fan, seeing them at their open practice and in a game was an experience I will remember forever. And for the many out there who don't like Duke, I'm sure you will always remember the upset they were handed, one of the most shocking of the past few first rounds, and it happened right in Buffalo.

7.) Bills Hall of Fame Inductees. Though the Bills didn't see the postseason these past 10 years, we were all able to relive a little bit of the Glory Years with the inductions of Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Bruce Smith, Ralph Wilson Jr. and Mary Levy into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I give Thurman the honor of having the best speech - it was funny, moving, and eloquent. While the present looked dim this decade for the Bills, during those days at Canton fans got a reminder of just how proud we should be to be Bills fans.

6.) Bandits Win the NLL Championship. I'm still a little bitter that this came in 2008, the season before I got my season tickets. But when it happened doesn't matter, what matters is that it did happen. In a decade of futility for most of the Buffalo sports scene, the Bandits brought a championship to the city. Lacrosse fans are some the most passionate fans I've ever seen, and it makes me happy to know that they were rewarded with such a great team and a great outcome. I only wish I could have been in the arena to see it happen.

5.) The 2008 NHL Winter Classic.

Need I say more? For one day, the world took notice of our city and liked what it saw. We were passionate, beautiful, and perfect. Even though the game didn't turn out right, the atmosphere of the day was amazing, and it's something we'll all be telling our kids about someday.

4.) Kevin Everett Walks Again. It was a miracle - plain and simple. He should have been paralyzed - or even worse. But there he was, Kevin Everett, walking on the sidelines of the 2008 season opener.

There was no better moment for the Bills this decade, and I don't even know if a trip to the postseaon could have topped it in my eyes.

3.) UB Wins MAAC Championship. The entire 2008 season of UB Bulls football was an incredible journey to behold. From losers to winners, from embarrassed to respected, one season changed the face of college sports in Buffalo like no other. It made Turner Gill a hero and a Buffalo legend, and even though he has deservedly moved on, he will always be remembered for what he did for that program, that season, and the hopes of college football fans in this city.

2.) The Sabres President's Trophy Season. Think about it - what other season this decade had this city so excited from start to finish? We knew from the first 10 games that it was going to be special, and that team didn't let us down until the very end. Did it end poorly? Yes. Does it sometimes hurt to think back on it? Yes. But it was still the happiest I remember this city during the 2000s for such an extended period of time. From the opening win streak to the Ottawa Brawl and Drury's goal with 7.7 seconds left, they took the city for a ride that season - one that brought crowds to the Plaza and brought people together like I never remember seeing for a hockey team before. It was truly something special - something magical.

1.) Pominville's Shorthanded Goal Sends the Sabres to the 2006 Conference Finals. I know this wasn't the best moment of the decade, or maybe even the most memorable. But I think it was the most positive, the happiest. That goal symbolized that entire season - a player no one had heard of, one who everyone else had written off, scored a goal that never really should have happened. But it happened - just like that whole postseason run never really should have happened if you asked people coming out of the lockout about the "new" Sabres. From the looks on the players faces to the cheers coming from living rooms all over WNY, the joy in that moment was the purest joy of the decade in terms of sports. There was nothing to lose in that moment, no downside or doubts. There was only that "scary good" team that changed the perception of hockey in Buffalo - made it important again. Watch the video of it again, and think if there was any other moment this decade, in terms of Buffalo sports, that made you that ridiculously happy. For me, I know that this was it; the hope I felt after that goal was greater than any other time - I thought they could take on the world, and they did their best to put up one heck of a fight to the end.

What were your top moments of the decade? Think I'm crazy for my picks? I'd love to hear your choices!

Finally

Opening night of hockey season is one of my favorite nights of the year. It's like Christmas morning - you could get disappointed with the outcome because you ended up with crappy sweaters instead of the iPhone you wanted, but, in the end, the outcome is almost secondary to the feeling the day brings.

Opening days for sports teams bring out a sense of community like no other day (except the days of playoff games, but those days haven't happened in a while around these parts). At work today, I wore my Pominville shirt, and I had at least 10 people - from grandfathers to moms to little boys - tell me how excited they were for the season to start. It's a day when hope still reigns, and the idea that this year could be the year is still more than just delusion.

We might win tonight, but we might lose, too. What I love about this very moment - an hour before the puck drops - is that wins and losses have no real place yet. This moment belongs to the hope that this game is the start of a journey that will lead to a place that no Buffalo team has ever reached. This moment belongs to the excitement, the nerves, the thrill of being a fan.

Tonight, a new season begins. There are a lot of things we will never expect that will happen, but there are some things that we know will, and I can't wait to see them:

Paul Gaustad jumping to the defense of a teammate

Mike Grier - my favorite Sabre before I found Goose - scoring a hard-working goal and reminding all of Buffalo why we loved his heart

Pat Kaleta rattling the board's and an opponent's body to the thunderous delight of the HSBC Arena crowd

Thomas Vanek scoring a goal that makes the netminder look like a toddler pouting in a corner afterwards

The population of Pominville getting its first resident

Craig Rivet pounding some poor soul into submission for looking at one of our guys the wrong way

Ryan Miller breaking his usual stoicism after a big win with that huge smile that makes him look like a little kid

The list goes on and on, but you get the gist. Some may say hockey season doesn't start in Buffalo until the Bills are done, but I say they're wrong. Hockey season starts now, and I couldn't be more ready.

Let's Go Buffalo.

Coming Home

I'm the kind of person who doesn't ever like to back down from a commitment. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. If I say I'm going to keep up a blog about the Buffalo Sabres, then - gosh darn it - I'm going to do my best to write regularly and keep it interesting.

Needless to say, I am disappointed with my lack of posting since the hockey season ended. However, when I look at this summer and how I feel right now, on the verge of another season starting, I honestly think taking time off was the best thing for both myself and this blog.

I can't wait for hockey season to start.

I know, I know - neither can anyone else, and those people actually kept up with their posting while I went on hiatus this summer. But for me, this is the most excited I've felt about a sports season starting in at least two years. Last summer, I wrote about free agency, training camp, the World Championships and anything Sabre-related I could get my hands on. By the time October rolled around, I felt like I hadn't really missed the team because I had spent all summer keeping tabs on them.

This summer, I let my disillusionment take hold of me, and I pretty much avoided hockey news except for major signings and training camp updates. I needed a break - I needed to take some time away from the team that broke my heart last season to see if absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

I can honestly say, as my pulse picks up at the mere mention of Saturday's game, that taking a break from both the team and blogging about them has made me re-energized as a fan. Seeing Ryan Miller's face on TV has me gushing like an idiot, reading about Jason Pominville in the Buffalo News today had me grinning from ear to ear (by the way, belated congrats for your top-secret marriage, Pommer!), hearing Pat Kaleta's voice on the radio was like returning to a place that I'd really missed.

I'll have more on my thoughts about the coming season in the next few days, but I just wanted to say that I am officially back in business around these parts. Last year, fall meant pumpkin lattes at Starbucks, picking out Halloween costumes and writing papers. This year, I feel like all of those things have just served to remind me that hockey is coming back.

I worried that taking the summer off would make me apathetic towards blogging and the Sabres in general. The fact that my Goose jersey is already hanging on my door in anticipation of Saturday night says that my fears were unfounded. I can't wait to see the boys take to the ice again, and I can't wait to share it with all of my fellow bloggers and readers.

It was good to get away, but it's even better to be back.

Someday...

I know that there are reasons to be mad about last night if you're a Sabres fan:

* Miro Satan won a Stanley Cup...I'll give you all a second to swallow the bile back down.

* Sidney Crosby won a Stanley Cup - and proceeded to reenact his Winter Classic screech on an even more ear-piercing level.

*Pittsburgh changed their coach and won a Cup, and the Sabres...like Lindy Ruff more than I do (which is saying something...and not necessarily a good thing)

*A team won the Stanley Cup last night, and that team was not the Buffalo Sabres...again

But there are also reasons to be happy.

No matter how bitter and jaded I can get as a hockey fan, I still get goosebumps whenever I watch a Stanley Cup celebration. I'm a human-interest story nerd at heart, and those moments always know how to tug at the heartstrings. It's pure emotion on display - tears and laughter and blissful exhaustion - with no veneer of professionalism to separate the fans from their champions.

I know some may think that watching another team lift the Cup would make a hockey fan whose team didn't make the playoffs feel even more hopeless.

Not so for me.

Last night, I didn't go to my usual unhappy place filled with thoughts of how that will never be my team. Instead, I let myself think about what would happen if that ever was my team. I thought of how I would feel if Craig Rivetwas in Sidney Crosby's place or if it was Goose scoring those goals instead of Max Talbot. What would it feel like if Ryan Miller got to wrap his skinny arms around all that silver...if Lindy got doused in champagne?

Right now, I have no idea how that would feel. I've never watched a team I really cared about win a major championship. Yesterday may have been the closest I came just because my favorite non-Sabre's best friend got to be the first to lift the Cup (yes, I am pathetic). I can only hope that we here in Buffalo can someday soon feel what they're feeling in Pittsburgh today - the pride of knowing that it's our boys - the ones we yell at, laugh at, obsess over, wear the jersey of - that came out on top.

Until then, at least the Cup should be coming back to Buffalo again:

Congrats, Brooks Orpik - you did us proud!

Alex Burrows Appreciation Post

I have a not-so secret confession to make...

I am in love with Alex Burrows and have been for quite some time.

Burrows has been my favorite Vancouver Canuck since I really started following them last season, but now he is challenging Colby Armstrong and Jarome Iginla for my favorite non-Sabre NHL player.

There are so many things to love about this 28-year old from Pincourt, Quebec. Because I am bored and tired of doing final projects, I will proceed to list them all:

• He went undrafted, went to the ECHL, and then proceeded to work his way to the NHL. He now spends time on the top line of the Canucks and scored a career-best 28 goals this season.
• The work ethic that got him to the NHL has never stopped and always shows itself on the ice, where he has become a never-quit force to be reckoned with...Much like a certain Sabre we all know and love (HONK!)...
• He is the epitome of the kind of player I adore - all heart, penalty-killer extraordinaire, not afraid to stand up for himself or his teammates, and a good person on top of it all.
• He has a dreamy French-Canadian accent...Who doesn't love that?

• Like Goose, I loved him before I actually saw his face, but that face is certainly an added bonus:

You can imagine my excitement, then, when Burrows scored the game-winning OT to sweep the Blues last night. It was yet another example of his playing style that I have come to love - he may have been tired, the period may have been 19 seconds from ending, but he never quit.That goal gave me yet another reason to love Alex Burrows - he is incredibly thoughtful. In what may have been the biggest moment of his hockey life, when his emotions were surely clouding all thought, he took the time to remember his friend and teammate Luc Bourdon who died in a motorcycle accident last year.

Bourdon's goal celebration was a bow-and-arrow move, and Burrows added this to his own celebration last night, just as he did in the Canucks opener, which was dedicated to the memory of Bourdon:



Anyone else out there share my love for Vancouver's stalwart #14? If not, which players are you rooting for this postseaosn?

Closing Time

Mark Mulville/The Buffalo News

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..."

This line from Semisonic's "Closing Time" perfectly captures the feeling in HSBC Arena during Buffalo's 6-1 win over Boston. Sure, the win was great, but there was a palpable feeling in the air that something was ending, something bigger than even the regular season.

Maybe it really was just the feeling that another season was ending, this time before my eyes. I've never been to the last game of the season before, so maybe this is how it feels when a playoff-less year concludes on home ice. However, there is no denying that big changes seem to be in store for this offseason, and the tension was evident all around the arena.

Last season, there were a myriad of excuses that both the team and fans gave for missing the playoffs - learning new roles, changes in how the game was being played, growing up...

This season, those excuses will fall on deaf ears if anyone is naive enough to even try and use them. There are simply no excuses for what happened this time around; if they aren't grown up by now, I have a feeling what we're facing is a case of terminal adolescence.

There's no doubt that some changes will be made this summer; nothing stays the same in professional sports from year to year. The pain of this season had me asking a lot of questions about what I was seeing:

Did I just watch Teppo Numminen play in his last NHL game? If so, there was a great sign across from our seats that said "Thank You Teppo," and it brought a sad smile to my face. That man deserved a Stanley Cup.

Did I just see Lindy Ruff's last game behind the Sabres' bench?

Will those people in the section over from me be right with their "We want Darcy fired" chants?

Did I just see the last game in a Sabres uniform by Jaro Spacek? Henrik Tallinder? Jochen Hecht? Who will be here when this ice is laid down once again in the Fall?

No matter the letdowns, I've come to love the guys on this team since 2005. In my mind, tonight is the end of an era. My gut feeling is that some part of this team that I've come to love will be gone by next year. There's going to be a shake-up, and I feel like this game was the last time all of the faces I've come to associate with the Buffalo Sabres will be in HSBC Arena together.

Make no mistake, I want changes to be made. I would not be satisfied to see this same team trotted out in late September. This team needs a "new beginning," but I know that it won't come without a cost.

When the team saluted the fans after the game, I'll admit to getting emotional. Did they make me furious at times this season? Yes. However, you can't tell me that this team doesn't know and appreciate the fans here.

In 2005, it seemed like we were just at the beginning of a great journey with this new "core" of young rookies. In 2009, that beginning has ended, but we have no idea what the next one will hold.

It Ends Tonight

It's over.

Tonight, despite a 5-1 win over the 'Canes, the Sabres were eliminated from the playoffs with New York's 2-1 win over Philly.

That has to be one of the most helpless feelings in all of sports - your team did its part to stay in the race, but its destiny was in the hands of someone else.

In the coming days, I'm sure we'll all have our theories and comments on the season that was. Too little too late, needing too much outside help - I know that I should have seen this coming. I knew that it would take a miracle for this team to reach the playoffs.

That doesn't mean that this still doesn't hurt.

It hurts for me to see Ryan Miller so sad, when he was one of the few players who really stepped up this season.

It hurts to think that Saturday could be Lindy's last game behind the bench as a Sabres coach.

It hurts to have to pick another team to root for in the playoffs; it never feels right when I do.

It hurts to say goodbye to this team until October.

But I don't have to do that just yet. I'll be at the game on Saturday, and I hope that they go out on a high note. I hope they play with the pride and fire that they showed tonight because I was really proud of them. Tonight, they did all that they could in a game I thought they would never win. I just sincerely hope that they will put it all out there again Saturday, give the fans something positive to take into the offseason.

Another year, another bittersweet night in Carolina. It's funny how the circumstances were reversed, though. In 2006, it was a loss that left us in tears but the memories of a beautiful season that took some of the sting away. In 2009, it's a win that should leave us jubilant but the memories of a turbulent season that have us depressed.

Saturday still matters - for the fans, for proving that there's still some fight left in this team. It may be over for us, but it should never be played like it's over for them. That game is going to show us a lot about how this team really sees itself, and I can only hope that it makes me go into the summer with some pride left in these boys.

So When Does the Apathy Set In?

I should have reached that point already. You know that point; I'm sure many of you are at or have long ago passed that point.

The point where you just can't bring yourself to care anymore.

It's the point when you know that your team isn't going to make the playoffs, and you've come to terms with that fact. You start analyzing what needs to be done in the offseason to make sure this doesn't happen again. You pick your teams to follow in the postseason. You watch the games your team plays with a sense of detachment, a sense that if they can't bring themselves to care about what they put on the ice why should you bring yourself to care about watching it.

God, I wish I was there.

The thing is; I really suck at goodbyes. And that's what these final games of the season are for me - one drawn-out, agonizing goodbye.

As Buffalo sports fans, we run on hope. This is the ugly point in the season when our supply runs out, and we're left bitter once again. Without that hope of making the playoffs and the hope of a championship that comes with them, we begin to turn on our athletes and each other.

I'm not saying that well-informed criticism isn't good and even necessary when it's so obvious that changes need to be made. It's when those criticisms get personal that I get defensive. If I hear one more "I hate Ryan Miller" after he lets in a soft goal or "Pat Kaleta's a pansy who has no place on this team" I'm going to scream.

Also, I get saying that this team lacks toughness, but I'm so sick of hearing "These overpaid jerks have no heart." Though it may not always look like it, there are guys on this team that have a sense of playing for us and playing with a purpose every night. The problem is, the guys that do show up to play every night don't always have the talent to make it count. My sister, who is a highly competitive high school athlete, always replies to the "heartless" comment in the same way. She tells me, "Do you honestly think that a professional athlete, who has been trained for years to compete at his highest level, doesn't want to win every night?"

I'll admit that, unfortunately, the question does give me reason to pause at times with this team. However, I've come to a conclusion about them. They're like the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz - heart but no brains. They've shown how much playing for this city means to them - look no further than their charity work or the win over San Jose to see that. This doesn't mean, though, that I'm letting them off the hook. They need to grow up, to learn that their stubborn way of doing things isn't the best way, and I guess if that means letting some of them go or even letting Lindy go, then I'm going to have to accept that it's best for the team.

I guess all that I really want to say is that I'm not happy with this team right now, but I don't want to get rid of them all, either. I'm attached to these boys in an admittedly unhealthy way, and it hurts to see how quickly everyone has jumped off the bandwagon. Call me a homer; I won't deny it. I'm a fan but one who is trying to see a reasonable answer to the debacle this season has become. I'm mad, furious even, that they let this season slip away, but they're my team. Do I want some changes made? Of course. Do I want every guy traded and every front-office member fired? No.

What do I really want?

I want to stop caring.

In Denial

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat.

The Sabres did win a hockey game last night, and I am glad that we picked up two points in a ridiculously close playoff race, without allowing the Rangers to get one.

I am glad that no one lost their cool in such a way that cost us those two points or even more players off our roster due to a suspension. In a push to the postseason that will probably be decided by two points or fewer, I know I would have been angry had we lost that game by giving the Rangers a 5-on-3 with a cold Patrick Lalime in net.

I suppose saying those things will earn me some angry comments or eye rolls about drinking Blue and Gold Kool-Aid and sticking up for the softies.

With that in mind, it's time to get another thing straight.

I hate what happened on the ice last night.

I know that doesn't match at all with what I said above, but I really can't explain how I feel about the team's response to Ryan Miller being run by Scott Gomez. I'm glad we won and I agree with Lindy that the playoffs are more important than punching an average center in the face.

That's what the rational, logical part of me says. The emotional, passionate part of me - the "fan" part - that part is singing a different tune.

There have been quite a few games this season that we've lost, and, yet, I haven't been all that mad. That's because I saw heart and effort out there, even in a loss. I'm not saying that those things weren't present on the ice last night, but there was something missing.

If we would have lost, and lost because of someone giving Gomez his just desserts, I think it would have been one of those losses that I put in the "at least they did something" category.

Anyone who reads this blog knows how I like my team to play hockey. Grit and toughness win out over finesse and flash every day in my book. I guess that's why I'm in denial today.

I don't want to believe my boys - my Sabres - are soft.

I don't want to believe that Craig Rivet, the captain of this team, brought in for his toughness, has let his goaltenders get run again and again this season and hasn't forced anyone to be accountable about that.

I don't want to believe that Paul Gaustad could lose his cool so many other times in his career and chose this moment to think with his head and not with his heart. I don't want to believe that he could see one of his best friends unable to stand in his crease and do nothing.

I don't want to believe that Henrik Tallinder saw the whole thing happen right in front of him and let Gomez skate away.

I don't want to believe that Tim Connolly - Tim "one punch from a vegetative state" Connolly was the only Sabre to even look interested in avenging his goalie.

So I guess I'll keep telling myself that Miller got hurt behind the play, and no one knew what had happened until it was too late.

The bad thing is - I can't get that image of Ryan Miller in his dress suit, looking worried and alone, out of my mind. He's been left out to dry too many times this season (and in seasons before), and I feel scared for both his ankle and his psyche.

I can't live in denial anymore, and that hurts almost as bad as a high ankle sprain.

Everything We Needed

Lindy Ruff said it best when he called tonight's win the "fairy tale ending" that we needed.

Sometimes, it is so evident when a team is playing for more than just two points. Tonight, the Sabres were playing for us, for Buffalo. Their faces after Jason Pominville tied the game and their exuberance after Ryan Miller stopped the last shot reflected the catharsis felt by all watching tonight.

Tonight, the Sabres held on to the end; they never gave up, despite the odds towards the end. They were fighting to give us a reason to cheer, a reason to smile, if only for a moment.

Ryan from The Roost sent me a text after the game, saying in two words what I'm sure anyone watching felt: "too perfect." After a day that was too terrible to be real, we needed to see something that was almost to good to be true.

I wish I had more to say, but I'm still getting chills thinking about the roar of the crowd after Pommer tied the game. If that reaction didn't make the case for why this game was necessary, I don't know what could.

Thank you, Sabres.

Waking Up

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

~Langston Hughes

That Langston Hughes poem has always been one of my favorites, and I think it perfectly encapsulates the mind of a Buffalo sports fan. Ever season we begin with a dream, and every season that dream dies a painful death. We put those hopes away, saying that we'll never get sucked into believing like that again, but we do. We're dreamers, plain and simple. When all you're left with at the end of the day is the idea of "next year," what else can you really be?

This fall began as the ultimate season of dreams. The Bills dominated Seattle, Tom Brady got to spend an entire season nursing his knee and playing with his son (or not...), Trent Edwards was hailed to be the second coming of the Messiah, let alone Jim Kelly, and the Bills rocketed off to a 4-0 and eventually a 5-1 start.

The same thing was happening in downtown Buffalo. The Sabres were like the phoenix, rising from the ashes of last season, with a hard-nosed captain and new, defensive mentality. They lived and breathed "the system," earning points in the first eight straight games of the season. Ryan Miller and Patrick Lalime were lights out, the penalty kill was unstoppable, the forwards were backchecking their legs off, and the whole team was playing with a new sense of toughness and grit.

How quickly everything changes.

After Monday night, it's hard to see the Bills dominating anybody; it's even hard to see them winning another game with the sacred game they're playing now. They can't beat Matt Cassel or Brady Quinn, Trent Edwards is playing like a kid with arachnophobia in a spider exhibit, and they're suddenly a .500 football team once more.

The same can be said of the Blue and Gold. Suddenly "the system" is merely something nice to mention to reporters but is too lame and boring to follow on the ice. The ghosts of last season have emerged from he coffins we thought we buried in April, and our captain has done nothing to exorcise these demons. The goaltending has become erratic at best, powerplay goals against are being scored at the worst possible times, forwards seem to think they're too "special" for defense (I'm looking at you, Derek), and the toughness that Captain Craig was supposed to bring has disappeared along with his play.

My father and I had a very philosophical discussion about being a Bills and Sabres fan sometime last week. He told me that there is a moment every season when, as a Buffalo fan, you realize that this isn't it; this isn't going to be the year we win it all. That moment is the moment when, as Langston Hughes so perfectly says, our dream is deferred once more.

Sometimes, it's the first game of the season. Sometimes it's the last play of the Super Bowl. Sometimes it's a warm May evening in Carolina. Sometimes it's a cold Monday night in Buffalo.

This year, the dream wasn't just what we as fans built up over another long offseason. Both teams shot out to phenomenal starts; they helped to raise our relatively tempered expectations. It wasn't just that they were winning; it was how. Trent Edwards was proving himself to be a young star in the NFL; the Sabres were playing the kind of grinding, tight hockey that wins games in May and June.

Now, it's not just that they're losing; it's how. Trent looks like a better-looking JP Losman, and the Sabres look like the same team that ruined last year with giveaways and last-period collapses.

I guess the main point of this ranting post is to say that I feel we've come upon "the moment" of this season. Monday and Tuesday proved to be games that just make it look like there's no way that there will be a parade in Buffalo this year.

Though I've pretty much decided that the Bills are done; am I right to say this about the Sabres so early? Thomas Vanek is playing every game like Marshawn Lynch played on Monday, and I think I may be getting a 26 jersey instead of a 52. Pommer's getting hot. They've proved they can play a defensive style; they need to prove that they want to. Will they prove me wrong?

Another year, another "raisin in the sun."

I'm ready to explode.

Dearest (or not so much) Buffalo Sabres:

Did you ever have one of those days where you're pretty depressed by life in general, but you know that if your team wins it will somehow make everything seem just a little better?
Thanks for helping a girl out...Or not...

Maybe I'll write more tomorrow because if I try now it will pretty much be a bitter diatribe against Derek, Andrej, the powerplay, the penalty kill, and that damn goal horn.

Let's just say Overreaction Central is in full swing tonight - to the point where I almost said I didn't want my Captain Craig jersey...almost...

PS: Dear Sidney Crosby:

You better hope Colby Armstrong brings out the warm fuzziness in you when you play Atlanta on the 20th - because I strongly dislike you again.

Like a Kid On Christmas

The title for this post sums up my feelings about tonight perfectly. I honestly was having trouble sleeping last night for reasons other than midterms.

It's finally here. The day we've waited for since April has finally come. It's Hockey Night in Buffalo once again.

It's funny when you try to measure your life in hockey seasons, matching each one up with specific time in your life. Though times have changed, it's great to see that every opening night feels the same since I was a little kid. No matter what happened the previous season, be it President's Trophy or early golfing, the opening night is always one of optimism and excitement. There's always that voice in the back of your head that, despite your best intentions, keeps whispering What if this is the start of our year?

I'm a very detail-oriented person, and it's the little things that often matter the most to me, so it seems fitting that the things that have me most excited would be many of the things that may seem ridiculous and minuscule compared to everything else a new season has to offer.

I can't wait for...

"Hurricane 2000" to come blasting from my TV, getting my pulse racing for another game

The first time Pat Kaleta draws a penalty and my dad yells from the other room "I love that kid!"

Craig Rivet to take the ice, wearing the "C" proudly, ready to punch anyone in the face who even so much as looks at one of our guys the wrong way

The sound of the goal horn

Lindy's frank and oftentimes witty postgame comments

Jaro Spacek's unintelligible voice to grace my ears

The Pominville Population to get its first resident this season

Mike Robitaille's cranky words of wisdom and emphatic hand gestures

The first time you hear the "Drewwww" and "Gooooose" chants in the arena (though I may have to wait awhile for the latter)

The sight of Roy and Vanek on a 2-1 and knowing their going to score

The typical MSG commercials, wondering which is going to be the "real good, Steve" or "Wizard of 'Za" of this year

The sight of Tim Connolly quarterbacking our powerplay once again and feeling like we really do have a man advantage

Looking at Ryan Miller's eyes through his mask and seeing a whole different person in his intense focus

The sound of an opposing player crashing into the boards

The first opponent to get booed at HSBC this year

The first time one of our guys sticks up for a teammate, which I feel will happen a lot more this season

The first big win that makes the guys pile over the boards, when you know that they live for playing for and with one another

I hope that last one comes tonight, but if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. It's a long season, and I don't know what I'd do without it.

Forget December, this is the "most wonderful time of the year"

Let's Go Buffalo!

A Day Later, Still Happy

I don't know if I've ever confessed this before, but Ryan Miller makes me emotional.

I think he even stirs my heart more than Paul Gaustad.

Now before you go checking to make sure this is the right blog, let me be more specific. Goose is my favorite Sabre, bar none. Nothing makes me smile more than the mere mention of Paul Gaustad or his pretty face and hard-hitting play. However, he really only evokes one feeling in me - pure, unadulterated love.

Ryan Miller, on the other hand, has taken me on the complete roller coaster of hockey emotions. I get mad when he lets in a soft goal from the point. I get sad when I hear him talk about losing his cousin. I'm proud when I see all of the amazing charity work he does for kids in Buffalo. I'm amused when he gets snippy with the press.

However, if you ask anyone I know what emotion best describes how I feel about Ryan Miller, they will all say fierce protectiveness. I'm more protective about Ryan than I am about some members of my own family. When he got that shut-out against Atlanta after his cousin passed away, I'll admit that I cried. When other people (like my father) rush to criticize him, I rush to defend him - he's had a rough year personally, he's exhausted, our defense doesn't help. I always want to make sure he eats enough, too.

I have to fight the urge to send cookies to the arena for him.

As you can imagine, all the talk about Ryan not wanting to stay in Buffalo had me nervous. After all the emotion I had invested in him, it would have devastated me to hear that he didn't really love us back.

So, thank you, Ryan. Thanks for helping our fragile psyche one kind word and signed contract at a time. When you said you really love living here, it made me feel justified in believing in how genuine you are, and I know I'm not the only one.

As a Buffalo fan, all I ask is that my favorite athletes love my city with the same passion that I love watching them play. This offseason has made me proud to be a Sabres fan. First, Goose committed to us because we were the ones who gave him a chance. Then, Miller proved that he not only believes we can win it all but that we're a fanbase he'd love to win it all for.

Now that these two have validated me in my emotional attachment to them, I can only hope that Pommer follows suit. Ryan said that the signing of Goose was a big factor in his decision. It only makes sense that Jason would think the same about his roomie Goose and fellow Amerks-alum, Miller.

Only one more of the trio left...They're waiting for you to join the Sabre-snuggle, Pommer!